Dealing with the January Diet Craze

January, the month that’s known as the calm after the storm, yet also the month that everyone is going at 100 miles per hour to follow the whole ‘new year, new me’ band wagon. It’s the month that the gyms get much busier and diet culture hits its peak as everyone is working towards ‘working Christmas off’. Everyone you talk to seems to be starting some new diet and discussing what they’ve decided to cut out, how many times they’re exercising , how much weight they’re losing and how much weight they want to lose! Of course, the media are also quick to fuel this band wagon meaning that tv and radio adverts are constantly promoting the latest diet craze, to help you to ‘become the best version of you’ or how good you can feel through losing weight. As an average person, being surrounded by this focus and talk of diets makes it pretty hard not to get sucked in and jump head first in to the whirlwind of comparisons and negative self-talk. So what does it mean for those who already have a difficult relationship with food? Those recovering from an eating disorder? Hard work – and that’s putting it very lightly.

Goals & Reflections

Considering January is whizzing by, I felt it was only right for this post to focus on the goals that I have for 2019. I’ve always been a person that thrives from setting goals. I think it can be so easy to fall in to a routine, for things to remain exactly the same & if you’re happy, there is absolutely nothing wrong with that! However, if you’re like me and find yourself day dreaming about what your life could look like, but nothing actually changing- then goals are the way forward. I love having things to aim towards and being mindful that I am taking steps to achieve them. Also, I’d be lying if I said I didn’t enjoy looking back at the end of the year and seeing how many of my resolutions I can tick off! So this year I especially wanted to make sure I make the most of the year and incorporate all the changes, trips and activities that I want to do.

Five ways to fitness

Does at least one of your 2018 goals involve becoming healthier/fitter? Are you finding it difficult getting to back in to your workout routine?  I’m with you, and I’m sure there’s 100’s of us feeling the same…
Getting in to a fitness routine in January can hands down be quite a shock to the system. Likelihood is that you’ve had a December filled with all the food, fizz, long morning lie ins and of course the occasional afternoon nap..just me? I thought not. Truth is, the only thing that may have been relevant to the word ‘fit’ throughout December, is the challenge of fitting even more food in than you thought possible. Second serving? Why the hell not! If your December sounds even the slightest bit similar to that, welcome to the club- trust me, there’s millions of us! It’s what makes Christmas, Christmas!! However, when January comes around and you have set all of these goals to be more healthy and wake up at 5am to go to the gym, it’s a pretty big shock to our system! This combined with January being labelled as the month of ‘January blues’, can mean that our motivation levels hit a new time low! If you’re finding it difficult, I feel you & don’t worry- I have got you covered. Continue reading to see my top 5 tips for getting in to a routine, smashing your fitness goals and generally taking the steps to become the healthiest version of you.

2017 Reflections

My 2017-

As it's December and the end of 2017 is fast approaching, I feel it's the perfect time to hide from the winter weather, snuggle up and reflect on the highlights of this year! 2017 has certainly been a good one... 

Chester Half Marathon

Running Chester half marathon and what it taught me…

 A bit of a throwback  but better late than never! On Sunday the 21^st May I completed my first half marathon....

The Experience:
We stayed in Chester the evening before and indulged in an amazing 3 course meal to ensure we fuelled the run.
On the morning of the race nerves had kicked in and as I ate my porridge all I could think was ‘what if I can’t complete it, what if I can’t do it!?’ These thoughts obviously led to me feeling extremely nervous and I knew that if they carried on they would suck the enjoyment out of the whole experience. I challenged my doubts and constantly told myself that I could do it – it’s something I have trained for and worked hard on so there is no reason why I can’t, and in the end my best is all that I can do.

As we arrived at the start line at Chester Race Course my nerves had quickly changed to excitement. There was multiples of runners with their family & friends waiting for the race to begin. The atmosphere was buzzing and I knew that regardless of how well I ran I was going to have an amazing time and really that’s all that mattered.

I can honestly say that I enjoyed every second of the race – of course there were times that I felt extremely tired and the only thing I could think about was my aching feet and the next incline I had to face- but the most powerful thing about the whole experience was the support and that’s what kept me going. Strangers were constantly supporting each other to ‘just keep going’. We were all in it together and I began to focus on the people around me and doing my bit to encourage them.

Across the whole route there was people on the side lines holding big posters and blowing whistles, reading our names out from our running vests to tell us how well we were doing. Children had made huge ‘touch me for more power’ signs and every time one of us did, their faces lit up. Bands were playing along the side of us, and of course the Lucozade and power gels being handed out were more than helpful. It was one of the most physically exhausting things that I had ever done but I had a huge smile on my face from start to finish. I’ve talked before about the power my trainers have on my mindset and I think sometimes my friends and family think I’m mad, but it’s so true. Running taught me that even when you’re convinced you can’t carry on or can’t make it- you really can! It’s taught me to be persistent and never give up on anything that I choose to do. Most of all it’s a solid reminder that we need people and support- yes its ultimately up to us to do it- but that supportive, community atmosphere got me through that run and allowed me to enjoy every second. I’m known as quite an independent person that doesn’t really open up to many people, that day reminded me how beneficial other people are in any area of our lives. We’re all in this life together no matter what our job, circumstances, financial status or mood- lifting others, aiming to make people feel good, even if it’s just by a smile- can be the most worthwhile and feel good thing that you can do. The result it has on the other person could be more significant than you ever realise.

Crossing the finish line was incredible, thousands of people were there cheering and runners were congratulating each other. I’d completed the race in just above 1 hour 50s,  I remember receiving my medal and feeling so proud of myself- Not only had I put in a lot of hard work building up to this but just a year ago I was barely fuelling my body enough to walk in to work. It wasn’t just the physical training I had to do, it was the mental training to change my focus and mindset on food and fight against my disordered thoughts to take on this challenge and be healthy enough to participate. I’d not only done it, I smashed it (if I do say so myself) and still to this day I am beaming with pride about it!

So will I be running another half marathon? The answer has to be yes, however at the minute I’m focusing on strength training and building my physical strength along with my mental strength. For those of you that have been thinking about signing up to one- I’d say go for it!! It’s the easiest thing to sit thinking ‘I could never do that’- sign up and work towards it- I promise you won’t regret it!!

 

 

 

KB x

Little things making big changes

Just lately I’ve really tried to focus on self care. That doesn’t mean I’m practising yoga or mindfulness every night- I’m just doing simple things that make me feel good and focusing on how I can better myself. So far, I’ve been looking at the following…..

 

Positivity-

Not always easy, trust me I know! We could have 100 good things going on in our lives but if there is one negative, we will become completely consumed by it and forget all the good. I’ve started to finish my day thinking of 3 positive things that happened that day. It could have been a complete disaster of a day, but there are always positives even if it’s the fact that you got through the day or have a comfy bed to end the night in! There are so many negatives going on in the world and sometimes we just need to remind ourselves of how many amazing things happen in the world that we live in.

The people you surround yourself with-

I only have people in my life that add to my life. These people make me feel good about myself, make me laugh on a daily basis and create memories with me from simple walks & coffee dates to trips or nights away. They are people that make my smile bigger and my laugh louder and most importantly they fill my heart on a daily basis. They accept me exactly how I am and try to understand my journey and support me every day. These people contribute to my wellbeing in a million ways and most of the time without even realising. Having the right people in your life is so so important- friends should love, support and empower you – if people are doing anything to bring you down or not treat you right, are they really worth it? We tend to accept the treatment that we think we deserve- rewind 12 months ago and any one could say or do anything and I would 100% accept it regardless of how negative it was. I’m learning to value my self and that starts with the people around me- my circle of people are the reason I am who I am today and I wouldn’t change them for the world.

Balance –

 I spoke a lot about balance in my previous blog post, so I wont ramble too much about this. I honestly believe balance is key wether its balancing food, exercise, social life, work etc. Having a good balance in life is so important. I’m naturally an all or nothing type of person but I’m slowly but surely getting better at this!

‘Down time’-

 I’ve recently started to appreciate the importance of down time. For me this is all about taking some time away from the chaos of day to day life and taking time to have a long soak in the bath, go for a walk or get stuck in to series on Netflix with some decent snacks! Either way it’s taking time for yourself and no matter what your brain tells you – it’s needed and definitely isnt a waste of time!

Ambitions-

Have dreams & goals and work towards them!!! Don’t ever settle for what you think is acceptable or achievable. If you have things you want to do or see then the only person stopping you is yourself- I learnt this when I was unwell with my eating disorder- no matter how much support you have around you – nobody can save you until you decide to save yourself! That lesson can be used in all walks of life- if you want to go to university- do your research, work towards it and make it happen. Want to start a blog? Sit at your laptop and start writing! We often feel like we have limits that stop us from achieving our dreams but our biggest limit is ourselves. I’ve started to live by the saying ‘better so what than what if’. I’d much rather try to do something than sit in years to come regretting the fact that I never tried. I have so many goals and ambitions which I’ll save for another post but just so you know I’m not all talk… One of my biggest loves is travelling and I’ve always said I’d love to see Bali. So, I made a savings plan, my flights are now booked and I’m heading out there in October and I wont know a single person out there! Am I scared? Yep but as they say, if it doesn’t challenge you- it won’t change you!

Moral of the blog post? We often get so caught up in life that we forget to really look after ourselves and do what makes us happy. Those are some of the things I’ve added/changed in my life to look after me. Don’t live your life trying to please everyone around you because honestly, that’s just not possible and at the end of the day- this is your life- live it in a way that pleases you, not a way that meets others expectations.

Exercise. Therapy or Enemy?

Those of you that have read my previous posts will know that my journey has been a bit of a bumpy one with plenty of ups and downs.

Sports/fitness has been a passion of mine for as long as I can remember. From toddler dance and gymnastics lessons, running competitively for my school, skiing lessons and exams right through to developing a love for the gym- weight lifting in particular. I’ve always loved being active and challenging my self physically.

When I was unwell and in the depths of my eating disorder- my love of exercise was never going to be a positive. My eating disorder manipulated things and made me believe that I HAD to exercise to burn off the little amount of food I was eating. The competitive part of the illness was strong- if I knew someone was training 5 times a week I’d think – watch this I can train 7 times. I would spend so much time on a treadmill not allowing myself to stop until I’d burnt X amount of calories- and it goes without saying that I was burning off a lot more than I was putting in. My thoughts around foods were extremely distorted. It came to a point where I had to stop all forms of exercise because it was helping me to destroy my body.

So now on my journey through recovery – do I train again and has my relationship with fitness changed? YES!

Of course people around me have occasionaly voiced concerns about me getting back in to fitness. I’m not narrow minded so I can see exactly why they would be concerned. They watched me slowly disappear and become a shell of who I was, so to hear me talk about exercise may appear to them as warning bells of old behaviours returning.

However, they now understand completely and have seen a gradual but significant change in my mind set. I no longer exercise to ‘punish’ myself. I exercise because it makes me feel good and it allows me to celebrate what my body can do!

Of course nobody has waved a magic wand and got rid of any disordered thoughts- I still have to battle with them on a regular basis. However I’m getting much better at challenging them and going against them. I’m now able to recognise when my thoughts are telling me I HAVE to workout to be able to eat. When this happens, I push to avoid exercise and eat exactly what I wanted. If I was to give in and follow through on these thoughts, I’d be allowing them to get stronger and stronger- so instead I’m the one becoming stronger.

If I wake up tired and not fancying the gym- I won’t go. If I go for a run and have to keep stopping I’ll still go home feeling good about my self and my food intake won’t change. I’m by no means perfect and still sometimes get what I call ‘resting guilt’ but I didn’t come this far to only come this far. So I continue to challenge it. I promised my self earlier this year that I wanted to measure the year in smiles and memories not calories and pounds. I don’t ever weigh myself- I no longer exercise to be a certain weight- I do it because it’s something I enjoy and that’s a statement I’ve not been able to say in a long time.  It also helps that I’ve developed a love of cooking – getting creative in the kitchen makes it all a lot more fun!

So ultimately, why do I love fitness so much? Well, my trainers turn my cant’s in to cans, my frustrations in to achievements and my stress in to happiness. Pretty good trainers eh!?

 

Both running and weight lifting benefit me physically in becoming fitter, stronger and support me to becoming the healthiest I can be. However, the benefits mentally outweigh the physical by far. Fitness teaches me that I can carry on even when my minds telling me I can’t, it makes me stronger, happier and more mindful than I could begin to explain.

Not only that but my fitness keeps me on track with my food intake- which again I’m not claiming to be any where near perfect at- but it’s a working progress! Fitness has become far more important to me than starving. I used to sit worrying that I’d eaten too much- now I sit worrying that I’ve not eaten enough!! The table has turned and I cant begin to explain how good it feels. I put a constant effort in to make sure I’m fuelling my body enough so that I am able to workout and do the things that I love.

Last year fitness was the enemy- my eating disorder may as well of handcuffed me to my most hated cardio machines in the gym- it made me cancel plans and avoid social occasions so I didn’t ‘fall off track’ and my life was completely consumed by ‘clean eating’. Right now, fitness is just a part of my life- I choose coffee with friends, birthday parties, cocktails, days out over it many of times but I also make time for it because why would I not when it makes me feel so good?

 

The message I want to get across from this post is that fitness is huge all over social media and the media in general- I think it’s great that so many of us are passionate about health and wellbeing and looking after our bodies. Just please remember that there is a fine line between passion and obsession- avoid the term ‘clean eating’ because please… the only time a food is dirty is when you drop it on the floor!!! It’s so easy to become sucked in by some of the unhealthy messages online- just remember that life is all about balance and there is so much more to life than being a certain weight.

As for me, I’m falling back in love with fitness and it’s slowly but surely getting back to being my therapy rather than my enemy. Now excuse me why I go and demolish some eggs…. And I’m talking about the Cadbury kind!!!

Happy Easter x

 

A new chapter

When I sit and think back- mainly to 2016, I have so many mixed emotions. I’m angry and devastated that once again mental illness came and took over my life. I’m frustrated that it took so much precious time from me as well as pushing those around me away. I’m disappointed that I believed the thoughts inside my head and gave in to them time and time again. I’m sad that while most friends were going out and living their life, I was sat at home feeling shit not knowing how much longer I could cling on. I was jealous that my friends would go out for cake and hot chocolates and I could barely drink a skinny latte without being riddled with guilt about the calorie and fat content.  All of these negative feelings towards the year are just some of a very long list. But were there any positives? Of course there were.

I gained people in my life that stepped up above and beyond to support me, encourage me, love me and more than anything fight for me, even when I stopped fighting for myself. These people never once walked away or gave up on me although I’d already given up on myself. They loved me until I could see that I was worth loving and fought for me until I could see that I was worth fighting for. Those people are still by my side and are very much family to me.

Some say that you have to experience the bad to appreciate the good. That statement used to mean nothing to me but now comes with so much meaning. Things that we naturally take for granted have become so important to me and it means I cherish them more. These things can include somebody making me laugh, a coffee & catch up with a friend, the sun being out or even just a simple smile from somebody. When you’ve spent so much time in complete darkness, these cracks of light mean more to you than you could ever know- and I will always value them.

2016 made me realise how weak I could be but also how strong I can be. When you come so close to giving up but manage to fight your way through it- you realise you underestimated your strength. There’s a few quotes flying around about how tough you have to be to fight with your mind every single day and when you sit back and think about it, its true. My demons weren’t another person or situation, they were and still are to some extent in my head and there’s not a single day that goes by when they don’t show up. To challenge and fight that can be exhausting and I would never give my self credit for it- but as I’m on my journey through recovery I’m starting to allow myself to feel proud. Proud that I’m still here, still fighting and aiming towards a future.

And lastly its taught me that nobody can do it for you. If you want something- there’s only you that can do it. Yes we need support and people and things around us help, but ultimately nobody can save you until you make the decision to save yourself. This applies to mental health but is a lesson I can use in all forms of life. We all have dreams and ambitions and instead of waiting for them to happen I’ve realised that I am the only one that can make them happen! I’ve learnt that lifes too short to settle in unhappiness due to the fear of change- you can do whatever, whenever and you can be the person YOU choose to be. We all know I’m a huge fan of the saying ‘the most important project you can ever work on is yourself’. During my relapse last year it completely stripped me from everything I was and has left me not knowing who the heck I am. Instead of wallowing about that I’m using it as a positive to become the person I want to be and hopefully ill find myself somewhere on the way.

So what do I want from the rest of 2017? Instead of writing a long essay about my goals (I think you’ve probably read enough of my ranting already!) Ultimately I want to focus this year on my recovery and becoming the best version of myself ..as soon as ive figured out who that is of course!!! I want to measure this year in smiles and memories not calories and pounds. I know my mental illness wont ever truly go away but I want to learn to live with it- rather than suffer from it. I want to accept the bad days as lessons and cherish every second of the good days!

I want this blog post to mark the beginning of a new chapter on this blog- as I step away from constant mental health related posts. I want to use this as a platform to log my recovery but also to log my memories, passions and adventures along the way. After all, I am not my mental illness- there is so much more to me than my struggles.

October 2017

The start of a new month!

Hello October!  I can’t believe how quickly the months are coming and going! I’m pretty excited for this month for a few reasons, most importantly, if I’m really honest Autumn/winter is probably my favourite time of the year- there’s nothing better than cosy jumpers, long walks, snuggly nights in and of course the build up to Christmas!! It’s also important to me in other ways- most of this year has passed me by in a complete blur of being unwell, I feel like for the majority of it I’ve just existed. Well… not anymore! As you all know I’m on a mission to get my life back and I’m determined to not let this illness steal any more time from me.

You all know by now I’m all for a bit of goal setting. I believe that in order to achieve and motivate ourselves to meet long term goals, we need to be working towards smaller ones along the way.

In a previous post I wrote a few goals that I’d like to achieve in the month of September, so let’s see how I did…

-Enjoy my holiday; If you’ve read my previous posts you will know that this holiday was a much bigger challenge than I’d imagined. I was completely out of my comfort zone, completely out of routine and to be really honest, I was completely out of my depth. However, I went. Yes there were times that I really struggled and broke down but there were also times where I laughed and genuinely felt happy to be in such a beautiful place. No matter how hard it was I was able to stand on a beautiful beach in Italy, the sun pounding down on me whilst looking at the most beautiful views- something at many points this year I thought I would never be able to do again.

- Make plans; As mentioned on my September post, I would love to make plans to see more of the world and this still stands. No official plans have been made, no flights been booked but I’m still aiming high and pushing myself out of my comfort zone with smaller plans such as going out with friends. Taking it all one step at a time, but heading in the right direction!

-Spend more time on me; I feel I can give myself a big pat on the back for this one! This month I’ve spent more time than I ever have on myself. From lazy nights in bed watching boxsets to long bubble baths with a good book- I’ve took time out for myself and feel a lot better for it. I’m not saying I do this all the time and there is definitely room for improvement but on the whole, I’ve pretty much nailed this one!

-Save money; I’m not gonna lie I’m still not great with money however I have opened a savings account this month and managed to save a good amount of money for the month! Onwards and Upwards!

 

 

So what this month?

Firstly, I’d like to continue to do some of the previous ones. I want to carry on having the much needed ‘me time’ and of course do my best to save money! As well as this I’d also like to;

-Get back in to the things I love; This is quite a broad one but things such as long walks, cooking new recipes, running, fitness in general.. I want to try to get in to a routine with and reintroduce to my life. Of course I have to be extremely careful especially with the fitness part but as long as I’m honest with myself and people around me, there’s no reason why I can’t do the things I love.

-Say YES more; I’ve mostly always been a no girl. People would ask me to go places and do different things and my answer 9 times out of 10 would be no, I’d stay well placed in my little comfort zone. Obviously there have been times this year where I had to say no for not being well enough to do some things, but this month I aim to chuck myself out of the comfort zone and say yes more. Who knows, I might just enjoy it.

-Finally, keep blogging! I’ve always loved writing and found it the perfect way for me to vent or offload and it’s my creative therapy! It’s been an ambition of mine for a long time to have a blog and I’m really enjoying it. So this month I aim to blog as much as possible and about all different things. To think that I could be reaching out and helping even one of you, makes it more than worthwhile!

So, get setting your goals for October! What is it that you want to achieve?

 

 

The 'About me' Tag

I thought it’s about time I introduced myself properly, so why not do it by filling you all in on 25 random facts. I’ve seen this tag online quite a lot so thought I’d give it a go. I’ll be going in to detail and explaining more personal things in my life/about me over time but thought this was a good starting point!

Get to Know Me Tag Questions:

1. What is your middle name?
My middle name is Jade.

2. What was favourite subject at school?
This is a tricky one… to say I wasn’t the best student in school would be putting it lightly! I’d probably say English because of my love of writing and creativity or drama!

3. What is your favourite drink?
Without a doubt coffee! However if we’re talking alcohol I’ll never turn down a prosecco!

4. What is your favourite song at the moment?
At the moment it’s probably ‘Don’t let me down’ by Chainsmokers.

5. What  is your favourite food?
I’m going to sound really boring but I love fresh fruit..anything from strawberries, mango, pineapple..I just can’t get enough! Aside from that I love porridge. I know what you’re all thinking and yes I do like cake, chocolate etc but its just not my favourite!

6. What is the last thing you bought?
The last thing I bought was some dresses from New Look for my Holiday to Sardinia this weekend! Exciiiiiiting

7. Favourite book of all time?
I’m not going to lie here, there’s so many occasions I’ve sat and really tried to get in to reading…but I just can’t. I have such a short attention span and I just lose interest so quickly! I have however been reading short bursts of self-development books and I’m about half way through ‘You are a badass; How to stop doubting your greatness and start living an awesome life’ by Jen Sincero and I really recommend it! The honesty  and humour keeps even me interested!

8. Favourite Colour?
Love rose gold but aside from that it would be any pastel colours!

9. Do you have any pets?
I do, I have a Lhasa Apso dog called Charlie. He’s probably the most stubborn thing I’ve ever met (even worse than me) but I love him- he’s my little pal.

10. Favourite Perfume?
Marc Jacobs Decadence- and no, its not just because the bottles shaped like a handbag...but that helps!

11. Favourite Celebration?
I love Christmas! Mainly all of the festivities leading up to it- Christmas songs, German markets, cosy nights etc.

12. What is your relationship status?
I’m single and have been for a while- currently focusing on myself and happy that way.

13. What is your favourite country?
It depends which angle I look at this- if I’m thinking about the nicest place I’ve visited then I would hands down say Dubai- it’s complete paradise and I loved it! However, I’ve been going to the same little town in Fuerteventura for many years with my family so whenever I go back it’s always like home from home.

14. Do you speak any other language?
I speak a little Spanish. Spanglish..I definitely speak Spanglish.

15. How many siblings do you have?
I have one older sister called Hayley.

16. What is your favourite shop?
I love Zara, I could spend all day in there and leave with an empty bank balance!

17. Favourite restaurant?
My favourite chained restaurant is probably prezzo’s Italian however I mostly love any sort of country pub meal.

18. When was the last time you cried?
If you’ve read my previous posts, you will probably know that I’m currently in recovery from mental illness. Sadly crying is a bit of a regular occurrence so its probably a couple of days ago, however, I’m having a lot more positive days lately which is nice.

19. Favourite Blog?
I read lots of blogs but my favourites are probably; HearingHannah, Zanna Van dijk, dizzybrunette3, Carly Rowena and Zoella.

20. Favourite Film?
This is a tough one! I love Disney films but I think my all-time favourite film is probably Eat Pray Love. It’s a long one but inspires me every time I watch it!

21. Favourite TV shows?
I confess, it’s probably Coronation street & Eastenders..I’m definitely a soap kinda girl. I also like PLL, Scott & Bailey, Our Girl and X factor.

22. PC or Mac?
I don’t really have preference if I had to choose I’d probably say Mac.

23. What phone do you have?
iPhone 6- with a very smashed screen L

24. How tall are you?
I’m pretty tall, I’m around 5’7.

25. Can you cook?
I can. I’ve just recently started to try get back in to cooking and experimenting with different recipes. I love it and hope to keep learning and creating different dishes! Jamie Oliver eat your heart out!

 

Hope that gave you a little more insight! I have a load of hopes/plans for this blog so would love it if you checked back for future posts if you’re interested in getting to know more about me and my journey!