Living In Recovery

Living in recovery from a Mental Health problem.

When I first started this blog alongside my Instagram it was for many different reasons. However, one of my priorities was to log my recovery journey in the most honest way, to give people an insight and understanding as well as, hopefully, being a comfort for those going through similar experiences.

So I guess this post is about that- honesty.  It’s a reminder that everyone’s lives aren’t always what they seem from their Instagram and that’s perfectly ok.

Over the past couple of weeks those looking at my Instagram will have seen all of the exciting things that I got up to...a week off work filled with meals out, V festival, afternoon tea, cocktails in Manchester- you name it! Those that read the photo captions will have had a little insight to things not being quite as perfect as they seem- but still, very positive posts.

 

What you don’t however see is how a simple week off can contribute so significantly to my mental health problems in perhaps a negative way.

Not only was I going out of my comfort zone to social events and eating foods that my eating disorder would scream no at- I was also out of my usual routine. It’s triggered my anxiety to go through the roof and my negativity popping its head out much more frequently than I’d like. I’ve spent the last few days in such a negative mindset, wanting to hide away in bed with no motivation to do things. So why?

Chester Half Marathon

Running Chester half marathon and what it taught me…

 A bit of a throwback  but better late than never! On Sunday the 21^st May I completed my first half marathon....

The Experience:
We stayed in Chester the evening before and indulged in an amazing 3 course meal to ensure we fuelled the run.
On the morning of the race nerves had kicked in and as I ate my porridge all I could think was ‘what if I can’t complete it, what if I can’t do it!?’ These thoughts obviously led to me feeling extremely nervous and I knew that if they carried on they would suck the enjoyment out of the whole experience. I challenged my doubts and constantly told myself that I could do it – it’s something I have trained for and worked hard on so there is no reason why I can’t, and in the end my best is all that I can do.

As we arrived at the start line at Chester Race Course my nerves had quickly changed to excitement. There was multiples of runners with their family & friends waiting for the race to begin. The atmosphere was buzzing and I knew that regardless of how well I ran I was going to have an amazing time and really that’s all that mattered.

I can honestly say that I enjoyed every second of the race – of course there were times that I felt extremely tired and the only thing I could think about was my aching feet and the next incline I had to face- but the most powerful thing about the whole experience was the support and that’s what kept me going. Strangers were constantly supporting each other to ‘just keep going’. We were all in it together and I began to focus on the people around me and doing my bit to encourage them.

Across the whole route there was people on the side lines holding big posters and blowing whistles, reading our names out from our running vests to tell us how well we were doing. Children had made huge ‘touch me for more power’ signs and every time one of us did, their faces lit up. Bands were playing along the side of us, and of course the Lucozade and power gels being handed out were more than helpful. It was one of the most physically exhausting things that I had ever done but I had a huge smile on my face from start to finish. I’ve talked before about the power my trainers have on my mindset and I think sometimes my friends and family think I’m mad, but it’s so true. Running taught me that even when you’re convinced you can’t carry on or can’t make it- you really can! It’s taught me to be persistent and never give up on anything that I choose to do. Most of all it’s a solid reminder that we need people and support- yes its ultimately up to us to do it- but that supportive, community atmosphere got me through that run and allowed me to enjoy every second. I’m known as quite an independent person that doesn’t really open up to many people, that day reminded me how beneficial other people are in any area of our lives. We’re all in this life together no matter what our job, circumstances, financial status or mood- lifting others, aiming to make people feel good, even if it’s just by a smile- can be the most worthwhile and feel good thing that you can do. The result it has on the other person could be more significant than you ever realise.

Crossing the finish line was incredible, thousands of people were there cheering and runners were congratulating each other. I’d completed the race in just above 1 hour 50s,  I remember receiving my medal and feeling so proud of myself- Not only had I put in a lot of hard work building up to this but just a year ago I was barely fuelling my body enough to walk in to work. It wasn’t just the physical training I had to do, it was the mental training to change my focus and mindset on food and fight against my disordered thoughts to take on this challenge and be healthy enough to participate. I’d not only done it, I smashed it (if I do say so myself) and still to this day I am beaming with pride about it!

So will I be running another half marathon? The answer has to be yes, however at the minute I’m focusing on strength training and building my physical strength along with my mental strength. For those of you that have been thinking about signing up to one- I’d say go for it!! It’s the easiest thing to sit thinking ‘I could never do that’- sign up and work towards it- I promise you won’t regret it!!

 

 

 

KB x