What solo travel taught me

An entire year has passed since the day I left everything behind to pursue my dream of travelling to Australia. I can’t even begin to put in to words the nerves and excitement I felt! Australia was the place that I had dreamed of visiting for as long as I can remember, so February 2018 was the month that I stepped on a plane to begin my solo adventure. I spent just under three months travelling the east coast of Australia and exploring the beautiful beaches of Bali. My trip was filled with the most amazing experiences, however also came with facing a lot of challenges, overcoming obstacles and facing the unknown. I wouldn’t change a second of my travels, I feel so lucky to have had the opportunity to see the places I’ve seen, experience the amazing things I did and to meet the people that I would never have had the chance to otherwise. Most of all, I learnt a lot during my time away. Considering my travels feel a thousand miles away from my current circumstances, I thought it would be nice to reflect on all the things I discovered from my little adventure.

Goals & Reflections

Considering January is whizzing by, I felt it was only right for this post to focus on the goals that I have for 2019. I’ve always been a person that thrives from setting goals. I think it can be so easy to fall in to a routine, for things to remain exactly the same & if you’re happy, there is absolutely nothing wrong with that! However, if you’re like me and find yourself day dreaming about what your life could look like, but nothing actually changing- then goals are the way forward. I love having things to aim towards and being mindful that I am taking steps to achieve them. Also, I’d be lying if I said I didn’t enjoy looking back at the end of the year and seeing how many of my resolutions I can tick off! So this year I especially wanted to make sure I make the most of the year and incorporate all the changes, trips and activities that I want to do.

2018

After an amazing Christmas spent with family, friends, good food and celebrations, I feel like I’ve blinked and the end of December is upon us.

It’s crazy to think that 2017 has already come to an end. I feel like each years just goes by quicker and quicker. It really makes you realise just how important time is and to spend each day doing things that make you happy.

 

On a positive, 2018 here we come! I always love the start of a new year, it’s a great time to reflect on the year, every memory you have made and all of the things that you have achieved. Not only that, it’s a great time to set some new goals/aims for the year ahead. It’s a brand new year for you to do new things, take risks and smash your goals and ambitions. If you’re interested in my 2017 reflections, check out my previous blog post, but for now let’s focus on the year ahead!

2018 Solo Travel Adventure

Travel 2018.

If you’ve followed me on Instagram for a while or have read my previous posts, you’ll know that I was due to fly out to Bali this month for a two week adventure. However, my plans changed! After lots of hesitation and research I’ve now booked a one way ticket to Australia on a 12 month working holiday visa. I’ll be starting 2018 in style!

I feel that I was playing it safe with a 2 week adventure and for those of you that know me ‘playing it safe’ is not my style. I still want to see Bali of course, so will be making a trip there for a holiday during/after Australia.
Going to Australia has been a dream of mine for as long as I can remember. In high school I would be researching different careers that could lead to a life in Australia and I’ve always been fascinated by people that have been, questioning them about the different places to explore.

There’s something about getting on a plane and just discovering new things/places. I LOVE travelling, there is so much of the world out there and the last thing I want is to be stuck in a tiny part of it with no experience of the things around me. How can we know where we are meant to be or where makes us most happy if we only know what’s familiar to us!? And yes, I’m going solo- most people look at me like I’m made when I tell them but it’s my adventure and I can’t wait to meet new people and learn more about myself and what makes me tick.

 

Self-reflection in Sardinia

Self-reflection in Sardinia.

I’m writing this as I’ve just returned from my week long holiday in Sardinia, Italy. As mentioned on a previous post, it was my first holiday of the year due to not being well enough to travel previously.

I always knew the holiday was going to be a challenge but felt determined to make the most of it and have a much needed break. It was a beautiful, picturesque place with the most perfect views it was almost surreal. I was realistic from day one and knew that I couldn’t take a holiday from my head- therefore expected that there would be days worse than others but I’d just ride through them and make the most of the positives.

 

 

Food wise I managed to push myself on many occasions to join in with the family and have an ice-cream or even order pasta for dinner…but for everyone around those were just simple decisions. They fancied pasta- they ordered it, ate it and enjoyed it and then carried on with their evening. My situation was very different- the anxiety, worry, planning and overall thought that had to go through my mind before even ordering the dish was extremely overwhelming. I would keep a strong mind, determined not to let the illness win. I ate the meal and then spent the evening riddled with guilt thinking about how I can compensate for having it. I can’t explain how much I’d love to see food as food- rather than a big focus and something that currently controls my mood for the rest of the day. At home I admit I rarely push myself out of my comfort zone and tend to keep it pretty safe, therefore I had almost forgot just how difficult it actually is.

Another big struggle for me is the fact that I’m most comfortable in my own company. Just lately being out in public is such a challenge, I somehow manage to convince myself that everyone is starting at me, talking about me and judging me. This was a problem as I was in a hotel in the middle of nowhere… the most space I could get was going for little walks or going for a swim (there’s only so much of those you can do in a week).
I'm aware that  this is all part of the illness, I know it’s comfortable to stay in my comfort zone & only eat ‘safe’ foods. However recovery is all about pushing out of these, battling the guilt and trying to rationalise with myself. Some days it feels like the hardest thing in the world because every inch of me makes me feel like doing the complete opposite but the little glimpses of positives and of living make the struggle worthwhile.

Just being away gave me a lot of thinking time- I realised how much focus I put on food. I actually don’t think I know the core of my illness. I know that I use food as a way to seek control when my head feels like its flying off my shoulders, but how much of all of this is actually about food? For example,  I know realistically that I would look better and healthier with a little more weight but as soon as I start gaining I freak out and feel like I’ve lost all control. I feel like I’m stuck in a vicious circle and I’m desperately trying to clutch my way out of it.  I’ve had different possible diagnoses thrown at me throughout the years but so far nothing has ever been definite. I guess it’s a long process and I’m just at the start but I feel in order to get well I need to start to understand.

This post may seem like a negative one but trust me the positives outweigh the negatives. Less than 6 months ago I can honestly say I didn’t think I would have been here or I’d of been admitted to hospital- I saw no way out of my illness and every day was a huge struggle. So the fact that I’ve put so much in to recovery and actually went on holiday to somewhere completely new and out of my comfort zone, ate foods that I would never usually even look at and walked around a hotel complex in my bikini … I’m pretty impressed with myself. I’m not saying any of those things were easy and I’m not going to lie and say they didn’t come with anxiety and a thousand different thoughts…but I did them, not matter how hard it was or how unachievable they felt, I did them. There are so many times where I have sat saying ‘I can’t do it’ and times like this prove that no matter what situation we’re in or how bad things seem, every time we push ourselves or challenge ourselves we are one step closer to living a life that makes us happy rather than suffering.