We live in a world in which we proudly say ‘we’ve not
stopped’ or ‘have been so busy’, yet shamefully mistake rest for laziness or
failure. Are you someone that can relate? Welcome to the club, you’re not alone
by any means! If you know me, or have been reading my blog for a while, you’ll
know that I’m very big on to-do lists, exceeding goals, and basically just
getting shit done! I never thought that there was such thing as ‘too busy’, but
there is. I was. I kept my self so busy in fact, that I didn’t even realise
just how unwell I had become.
In December last year, I was forced to face reality &
agree to take time off work in order to get better. So what happened when I was
forced to stop, to do the one thing that I’d always avoided? Hold on to your
seats, because the impossible happened – the world did not end! I realised a
lot actually. Not only did I realise just how unwell I had become, just how
close my body was to giving up, I also realised the importance of rest.
I used to live by the term ‘fake it until you make it’. I
would rush around getting things done, pretending that everything was
absolutely fine. It wasn’t fine – nowhere near in fact. You see, the whole fake
it until you make it thing does not and cannot always work. Taking time off for
me meant facing up to the reality of my mental health, it meant me starting to
face the biggest challenge head on, rather than avoiding that it was there. I realised that my recovery is full time.
There isn’t an hour that goes by in a day that I’m not working hard to battle
my illness. It’s meaning that I can put the time and effort in to killing the
demons that try so hard to kill me. It’s about allowing my body to rest, to
heal from all the damage I’ve caused.
So before I end up going off in a whirlwind, what I’m trying
to say is that something I once viewed as failure or weakness, I now see as necessary.
A priority in fact. I’m slowly realising that me taking this time out is
necessary to give me any chance of recovery. The uncomfortableness that I feel
now will be outweighed by the positives of being able to return to work and
doing my job well, but more importantly to be able live my life.
You don’t have to be battling an eating disorder or even taking
time off work for this post to be relevant to you. It’s a reminder that saying
no and putting yourself first isn’t just ok, it’s crucial! That might involve
saying no to a night out, or declining extra hours at work so that you can have
an evening to yourself – no matter what it is, it’s important!
You. Can’t. Pour. From. An. Empty. Cup. You may think you
can, but it’s not sustainable and more importantly it’s not enjoyable!
I hope this post has encouraged an extra hour in bed, a long
relaxing bath – or for those on a similar path to me, reminded you that you’re
not alone and that the time, dedication and fight you put in now, you will
thank yourself for in the future.
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