Life is like a balancing act.

I’ve been thinking about this for the past few days. I’ve spent so long consumed by my illness and have felt like I’m almost in my own little bubble.  Things happen around me and everyone is so busy doing things and for a long time I’ve almost been just sat watching it all go on from the outside. Every aspect of my life has been, and still is to some extent, completely focused around my mental health. I’ve been suffering and struggling in my own little bubble- it felt like hell… but safe.

I’m now throwing everything in to recovery and fighting every day to get control back and burst my bubble in order for me to start living.

This means slowly trying to break out of my comfort zone, something I feel like I’ve been doing ok at over the past few days. I’ve been trying to do every-day things as well as pushing myself to try things I once enjoyed and at the minute it all just feels like one big balancing act.  

I’ve recently got my trainers back out of the wardrobe and started to get in to a little exercise routine- nothing over the top- but just little and often. Fitness has always been a big part of my life right from my athletics days all the way back in primary school- I love the way exercise makes me feel and allows me to challenge myself. It’s also pretty good for channelling my negative energy in to something!

As well as this I’ve been trying to reach out to friends and say yes to more invites. Throughout my illness I’ve lost so many friends for several different reasons but mainly due to me isolating myself and not being open with them to help them understand. I do however have a few close friends who have stood by me through the many ups and downs- these are the friends I’ve been trying to see more for little things like coffee dates, cinema trips and walks- things I’ve not really been doing for a while. It feels good to be reaching out again, spending time with them and actually trying to enjoy myself.

All of this is really positive but I’m finding it pretty difficult to balance everything without feeling overwhelmed. I feel like I’m trying to juggle work, fitness, time with friends & family all while trying to have some ‘me’ time and work towards recovery. It’s so hard to look at social media and see people doing things you’d only dream of like travelling the world or even friends just going to concerts or on big days out whilst I’m sat in my dressing gown planning my meals! Comparison is the most gutting thing however it’s so important to remind ourselves that everyone has their own story, their own obstacles and often we only see the best of their life on social media. I’m doing my best to remember that I’m overcoming an illness and have the rest of my life to do all the things I want to achieve. I’m learning to take things day by day and remember that sometimes it’s ok to take a big step back and just rest and spend time focused on myself- If I go a week without seeing a friend or without working out- that’s perfectly ok.

I think of recovery as a bit of a balancing act- if I had to explain it to somebody I’d compare it to walking along a very long tight rope. I have to keep moving forward to make sure I don’t completely fall and every now and then I lose my footing and have a little wobble but when this happens I stop, get my balance back and carry on walking. Recovery is a long process and can feel never-ending and extremely exhausting but I’m realising more and more every day how important it is and that it’s more than worth it.

To anyone in recovery or generally just feeling overwhelmed by things- give yourself credit. Look back and recognise how much you have achieved so far. Like I said on a previous post, some days are about taking on the world and some days are about lazing around and having a well deserved rest both physically and mentally!